i have decided to close communication because...

as many of you already know, i recently decided to brave the world of online dating. this is a HUGE step outside my comfort zone for many reasons, but primarily because most men's ability to be attracted to a woman is very connected to her looks. being overweight, i am not traditionally attractive (and, as i have said in the past, if someone is attracted to me BECAUSE i am overweight, well, that is just creepy in my book). i have learned a few things in this endeavour, and here is my assessment of the experiment thus far:

it is hard to meet people online too.

e-harmony has determined it would be appropriate to "match" me with 316 men so far. i have closed over half of those matches without communicating at all. this is usually because they put something in their profile about how much they want to have sex. it occurs to me that you should only mention sex before you meet someone if it is to say you are NOT interested in it. otherwise, i think it is fairly safe to assume everyone else wants to have sex, too. if his profile includes frequent references to camping (or a great interest in the outdoors), riding motorcycles or quads, and/or lists "keeping physically fit" as one of his best life skills, i close them too. not gonna happen.

so, out of those 316, i have communicated to the point of "open communication" with four. this means we have asked each other 3 closed ended questions, shared our must haves and can't stands, answered 3 open ended questions, and still decided to get to know each other through email type communications. and, to be honest, all 4 of them are not guys i am genuinely interested in - they are practice for the real thing. of that 4, i have only spoken to 1. and gone on 1 date. turns out he is a dope smoker. kind of a deal breaker for me ... guess who changed her "can't stands" to include "i can't stand someone who uses illegal recreational drugs"?? silly me for thinking that was an obvious one! the other 3? after going through the hoops to get to communicate? nada. zip. zilch. nothing. GAH!

there is ONE, count 'em, ONE guy that i am actually interested in ... and i am in limbo waiting for him to answer my questions (not that THAT should surprise me!!)

but really, that is all background to my main point: if i have closed over half and have only communicated with 4, what happened to the other 150-ish matches? as you may have surmised, they closed me as a match without any contact. and hey, i am okay with that. if they aren't interested, why would i want to meet them anyway, right? it the WAY they close the match that annoys me. here are the possible choices:

1. I think our family backgrounds are too different.
2. I have too much happening in my life at the moment.
3. I don't feel that the chemistry is there.
4. I don't think our Must Haves and Can't Stands fit.
5. I think the physical distance between us is too great.
6. I want to pursue other matches at eharmony.
7. I am pursuing another relationship.
8. I'm just not ready for the next step.
9. I am taking a break from dating.
10. I would rather not say.
11. This match never responded to my request to communicate.
12. I think the difference in age between us is too great.
13. I think the difference in our values is too great.
14. Based on statements in their profile, I'm not interested in this match.
15. Because there are no photos posted/I couldn't see any photos.
16. Because I was put on Hold.
17. Because we are communicating outside of eHarmony
18. Other

now, really. unless you are in the communication process and learn something that leads you to close the match (like, say, illegal drug use), you should really be polite and go with my personal favourite #14 (cause really, the only thing you know about me is what is in the profile), or simple be kind and say #18. if it because you are pursuing other matches, then why didn't you turn off "matching"? then you won't get new matches sent to you; if you don't turn off matching, it means you are still hoping to find something better - and i wasn't it. ouch. that is the one i see most often. but the worst one? the hideous #3 - "i don't feel that the chemistry is there". COME ON! we have not communicated in any way shape or form. chemistry is based on all facets of a person. by saying you don't feel chemistry before you communicate with me, you might as well just go ahead and say "i don't like the way you look" - cause it would be more honest and less hurtful. i probably think that because, since it isn't an option, you would have to choose "other" and that is generic rejection. i can handle that.

*sigh* - what we learned in kindergarten IS true - boys are dumb ... on the other hand, i will admit there were a couple that i closed because their pictures made them look kind of "serial-killer-ish" - but at least i said it was because of "other". (grins) ...